On feeling Quixotic

Adjective
Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals — American Heritage Dictionary

If there was one word to describe how I am feeling now I suppose that would be it. It has been an interesting flurry of days starting Sunday August 12th. Crazy things have happened. I have been inspired, impressed, depressed, driven to tears, in awe, felt pangs of hunger and longing. From the actions of a simple few I have realized exactly how much time, effort and energy I have wasted on those who are not worthy of my attention. I think I really have a new understanding for the term slumming; To visit impoverished areas or squalid locales, especially out of curiosity or for amusement. Except in my case I wasn’t entirely aware I was doing it and the “slum” as it were was not a place but a group of people.

I want to be better than I am now and to make that kind of change… well it hurts. Two of my three bad habits, the third is rather personal, are smoking cigarettes and drinking too much diet coke. Trying to quit myself of one is prevented or made worse by the other. Doing both at the same time has proven to be a trial. If it was just that by itself I would not be so on edge but there are exacerbating circumstances that defy logical description and I can not simply convey with letters.

But, on that front I have found that Van Halen has been especially soothing. Led Zepplin to a lesser extent too. Specifically I am referring to track 2 of 5150, track 9 of For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and track 7 of 1984.

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